Let's get the boring part of the introspection over with:
Since my marriage fell apart mostly during 2008, it would be remiss of me to not take an honest look at my own failings as a spouse to see where things went wrong. Mrs. Cwabs was adamant that the failure of our marriage was not her fault, even as she was buying my replacement vacations and siphoning funds out of our bank account for her own entertainment.
Taken as a sports statistic, I've got a consistent losing record: at BEST one for eight or twelve or whatever number of relationships I've had that didn't end with my companion getting bored with me and finding someone more exciting. That's true for lots of folks, I guess. The exception to the losing record is an instance of my acting in my own self-interest, which is where the problem lies. Success in relationships is generally measured by how selfish you can act with your partner. If you're fortunate enough to land someone giving and nurturing, while you remain an outright dick, you've succeeded and they've failed. This is especially true for guys, where dominance and self-interest are valued traits in a prospective mate.
Apathy is doom. My unwillingness to get excited is probably the single thing that most caused the failure of my marriage. I don't think that's true of all relationships, however. Yes, Mrs. Cwabs LOVED crisis and strife, even as she claimed to be non-confrontational. Watching her attempts to poke at me with one hand and embrace me with the other post-marriage make it very clear, but dwelling on her failings is not the point of this. Therefore:
My failings as a husband as expressed by my wife and evidenced by her choice of replacement:
- I made her choose between marijuana and me
- I worried more about paying the bills than about having a good time
- I was not affectionate enough with our children
- I was antisocial
- I did not do my share of housework, or yardwork
- I allowed our house to fall somewhat into disrepair
- I wasn't supportive of her theatrical ambitions
- I was boring in the sack
- I didn't accept her children as my own
- I was jealous of her friendships
- I objected to her attending Burning Man
- I allowed her car to fall into disrepair, and did not buy her a new one when asked
- I'm sure there's more.
Looking over the list, I realize again that I was married to a child, who didn't want a husband as much as a daddy. Maybe in the future I'll actually get a partner instead of a surly teenager.