[Tiny Filter] My concerns.

[fancycwabs]

Coming down with something. Hooray.

Mrs. Cwabs has been in a state for the last few months where I can't seem to do anything right, and has taken to denying me affection of any kind for a revolving set of reasons, including failure to perform adequate housework, failure to show adequate affection to the kids, failure to show adequate support for her staying out all night, et. al. I am concerned that there may be more to the story than she's letting on (perhaps another person), and that as soon as she figures out a way to extricate herself from our marriage I may be a divorcee. Suggestions that we attend counselling are met with the phrase that counselling will be of no use to us, because she already knows what's wrong.

Not sure precisely what to do--attempts to work out her LONG list of criticisms have so far met with no encouragement or reinforcement of any kind, but further distance. Concerned that there may be another force hard at work sabotaging our marriage. Expressions of this concern have met with non-denials, and the statement that she loves me, but is not in love with me, which is the romantic equivalent of "I hope you don't get hit by a bus."

Also concerned that I may be paranoid, and worried about a standard marital hiccup that we'll eventually get through. Mrs. Crabs has offered no reassurance of any kind.

Very concerned that I'm not able to talk to either of our families about this.

Comments

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

*hug*

Can't help but sending you all my mojo.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm hoping there's enough mojo lying around to work this out, but I think I'm the only one (of the two of us) who cares whether our marriage continues or not.

I should note that Mrs. Cwabs criticisms are valid for the most part--I don't like housework, I'm not as affectionate as I should be with the children, and I don't like her staying out until all hours of the night doing God knows what. I have been laboring to work on all of these, however, with varying degrees of success, and zero positive response from her.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Hubcap's not on it, if that's what you're asking. Oh, and my email address is on my userinfo page, if you'd prefer something with a little more discretion.

[box-of-rocks.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I really hope that Mrs. Cwabs changes her mind about the counseling.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Having been through counseling before with her ex-husband, she has experience with it where I don't--her doctor recommended that she see a psychiatrist after some comment on her last visit. She doesn't want to go; I think she may be afraid that she's suffering from clinical depression instead of husband-induced depression, and she'd rather it be my fault (which it no doubt is, at least in part).

[skatiemom.livejournal.com]

A few years ago Mr. Skatie tried returning to his youth and being a hard partying kind of guy again. A few talks about the incredibly bad example he was setting for The Kid helped with that issue go away. I don't know if that'd work with Mrs. Cwabs. I have to admit parents who pull that crap get no slack from me. You're a parent, you're a role model, suck it up and behave like one for the relatively short time you have them living at home. /no fun girl

It sucks you can't talk to family about it. If you need an ear for venting, feel free to call. I'll make inappropriate jokes if it gets too heavy, but I'll listen. I know you have my cell number. :) Hopefully this is all a hiccup.

*hugs and mojo*

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

My experience of this kind of incredibly shitty ... shit is:

You are the only one of you that you have any control over. How she is and what she does are not under your purview. But you do have control over yourself.

So: you've been working on The List, and you say that there are things you have been working/need to work on. That's a good thing. I found, when I was in a similar circumstance, that going to counseling on my own was really helpful, for three reasons: (1) it was good to have support for the stuff I was working on, as well as the occasional kick in the pants; (2) your counselor is going to be on YOUR side, which can be super important; (3) I had some gigantic blind spots about myself, and it was good to have them pointed out by an objective observer.

I hope things work out in the best way for everyone involved, but NO MATTER WHAT, you will be okay. And you're not alone.

[hemlock-martini.livejournal.com]

I have no advice for you that is better than what is already given.

Hang in there. I am of the opinion that counseling might be best, even if she doesn't want to do it.

[piemancer]

*fluffs your aura*

[loree-borealis.livejournal.com]

Hang in there, Mr. Cwabs. And listen to Owlet, she is wise.

*brings tea*