Something to make snowy_owlet's head spin.

[fancycwabs]

Yesterday I picked up The Book of Fate by Brad Meltzer as a popcorn read in the style of Dan Brown, presuming that it would probably suck in the style of Dan Brown, but that it would be mildly amusing. Meltzer's acknowlegements page seems to indicate that he did some research, but the end of Chapter 1 (which is essentially a prologue) indicates that the things he didn't research (and probably the things he did, too) are unintentionally (I'm guessing) hilarious.

A quote (going from memory here): "A woman's scream was a perfect C-minor chord."

Picture that for a moment. A presidential assassination attempt (I'm spoiling nothing here, trust me) at the Pepsi 400, thousands of cheering fans, and our hero in the confusion picks out a woman screaming either:

A. In three tones simultaneously (perhaps they bring in some sweet adelines for the scene), or
B. In varying pitches of C, Eb, and G. In which case it's an arpeggio

I never thought I'd see the day when Dan Brown's writing looked like Pynchon next to someone else, but damn.

Comments

[acsumama.livejournal.com]

Maybe she can scream like those guys who can sing three notes at once -- you know, those monks. It takes them ten years to learn how to do it, but it's worth it, because God really sits up and notices when you sing chords.

[redtheblue.livejournal.com]

Maybe the woman had three heads. He's still a bad author, but one that simply fails to leave out crucial details.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

If she's so fired up about getting God's attention, what's she doing at the Pepsi 400? You think maybe Dale Jr. is into chord-singers, too?

And why C-minor?
And how could the narrarator tell?

Maybe his perfect pitch comes into play later in the book. I'll let you know if I don't set it ablaze in a bit of wrath later.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

That's true--she could have been there to sing the national anthem before the race.

Do they sing the national anthem before NASCAR events? It would be another point in favor of "not a real sport" if they didn't.

[crankyliberal.livejournal.com]

bwah hahahahahaha

Actually I believe Sandry can sing at least two notes at once. But it doesn't matter, because in the end it's all about space aliens.

[acsumama.livejournal.com]

Maybe the narrator will turn out to be a space alien. In the big finale of the book he shows that he's impressed by her ability to sing chords, but he can't tell the difference between the villain's beautiful hand-lettered Bible and one made with state-of-the-art desktop publishing software.

[acsumama.livejournal.com]

NASCAR is the official sport of Red America. Of *course* they sing the National Anthem.