We were doing the thing I'd rather not say...

[fancycwabs]

Back in 1990 I played Orsino in a production of Twelfth Night in Mobile, with a couple of local lawyers playing Malvolio and Toby Belch. Before one performance, the actor playing Belch related the following story*:

...So the defense attorney's got this guy on the stand, and he's supposed to be providing his client with an alibi for the robbery.

"You say the client was with you on (the date in question)?"

"Yes sir, he was with me."

"What we you doing together?"

"I'd really rather not say."

"I'm afraid you have to tell us."

The witness looks at the judge. "Do I have to?"

The judge nods.

"Oh, you know." Here, the witness makes a gesture by making a fist, turning it palm up in front of his chest, and moving it back and forth in what probably means something else in ASL. The court reporter doesn't have keys on the thingamabob to accurately reflect common gesture for masturbation.

"You were WHAT?" The lawyer's eyes got fairly wide.

"Do I have to say it?"

"YES, YOU HAVE TO SAY IT"

"You know," The witness makes the gesture again, "Dice."

Now you know the rest of the story.

*Not actually a verbatim quote, here. It has been sixteen years, after all.

Comments

[piemancer]

Naw, it's very likely that it really was GAMBLING, which i would use for "He and I were playing dice". Thought it could have also have been MASTURBATING or even MILKSHAKE.

Heh. I like MILKSHAKE.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

My gambling brings all the boys to the yard...
My masturbation brings all the boys to the yard...

I guess they ALL work.

[luckimunki.livejournal.com]

"Counsel, this court will find you in contempt if you do not cease in laughing hysterically."

[esme454.livejournal.com]

So...um...I have this cd. It's in a package with a stamp of it. Except I don't have an address to send it to because my mailbox hasn't contained any dvds with a return to sender on them.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

That's because I suck, and your DVDs are sitting in a drawer right next to me. I'll wrap it up and send it tonight! Maybe.