A month (and change) on Twitter, highlights edition:

• Told a guy with a broken starter to rock his car back and forth. It started right up. 06:41 PM March 22, 2007 from txt
• The Montana quarter has a giant floating cow skull on it. Cool! 06:49 PM March 22, 2007 from txt
• Offended by lowball offers for my Final Four tickets. 11:01 AM March 23, 2007 from web
• My wife: You love that Twitter more than you love my twitter. 08:17 PM March 24, 2007 from web
• Trying to get this submittal ready for our Chinese overlords. 01:44 PM March 26, 2007 from web
• I need to enter Mrs. Cwabs in an oyster eating contest. She's like a walrus! Or a carpenter, one. 06:41 PM March 28, 2007 from txt
• One of our project managers is bored and meddling with stuff that shouldn't concern him. He should put that effort into buying some socks. 11:48 AM March 29, 2007 from im
• Mrs. Cwabs (vehemently): You got to have Sex this morning and now you get to have Pie! 12:48 PM March 30, 2007 from txt
• Two months ago, I put six vanilla beans in a bottle of tanqueray vodka. Tonight i made white russians with it. 11:08 PM March 30, 2007 from txt
• 4 gig memory stick arrived from woot. PSP's batteries are completely drained, charger is at work. It's like an O. Henry story. 08:25 AM March 31, 2007 from web
• I just realized that my laptop has an Fn key. "LCD projector not working? Maybe you should try pressing Fn F7!" 09:41 AM April 03, 2007 from im
• Got spam with the subject "A VISIT FROM THE BIG DICK FAIRY." Doesn't the tooth fairy take teeth away? 10:33 AM April 04, 2007 from web
• About to watch Amy in Sordid Lives. She tells me that it's gaylicious. 07:41 PM April 05, 2007 from txt
• Overheard at lunch: "This is going to go straight to my tits." 01:02 PM April 11, 2007 from web
• Just misread headline: "Bush Makes Impassioned Plea for Car Wash." 11:58 AM April 16, 2007 from web
• Going to file tax extension, and maybe get Free BJ. And by BJ I mean ice cream. 11:53 AM April 17, 2007 from web
• Rolling Stones Lawncare: Emotional Fescue. 08:08 AM April 19, 2007 from im
• The Circle K at Madison and Cleveland smells like a gym sock. 05:58 PM April 19, 2007 from txt
• Wearing boxer-briefs when one is accustomed to boxers makes urination a labyrinthine challenge. 04:29 PM April 23, 2007 from im
• Overheard at lunch, spoken to nobody by a 60 year old woman: "There's a nice hot pepperoni pizza there. Yum yum."
• Done mowing the lawn. Now eating freezy pops. 12:06 PM April 29, 2007 from web
• Russo-Canadian Prime Minister Vladimir Poutine. about 3 hours ago from txt