The evidence that my wife may be cheating.

[fancycwabs]

1. Since October, she's "crashed" somewhere other than home over a dozen times. Prior to that, she might have done so once or twice in six and a half years.

2. During the entire run of A Christmas Carol, she made a point of giving a ride to one particular cast member. This is the suspected other party.

3. On a whim, I picked up her cell phone and starred looking at her text messages one evening. I caught a glimpse of something explicit from this other party just before she came into the bedroom, saw me with her phone, and threw a glass of water on me while she wrestled the phone away.

4. Once a few weeks ago, her phone inadvertently called me as she was driving down the road with the other party. I overheard her refer to the other party as "my darling" during an otherwise nondescript conversation.

5. She charged several hundred (if not thousand) dollars taking the other party out for dinner and/or drinks over a three-month period.

6. She has purchased a ticket to Burning Man, an event she intends to attend with the other party.

7. On a number of occasions, she's shown up to events for us with the other party in tow, arm in arm.

8. In her bio for Anything Goes, she duscusses her eternal love for someone going by the name of "primrose." In the other party's bio, she talks about loving to "fall asleep in the arms of her beautiful Lily of the Valley."

The evidence against:

1. She says she isn't cheating.
2. She hasn't moved out. Completely.

Comments

[fastlearner.livejournal.com]

What you you like your life, including your family life, to be like one year from today?

As an aside, I read this early in the morning and went back to sleep, and you were in my dream. You mostly paced around, filled with consternation. It was an interesting surprise.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Considering that my icon paces around, filled with consternation, I'm not surprised.

I've been living day-to-day for so long now that I've lost my goals of where I want to be in the future completely. I used to want things, to plan to improve various aspects of my life, but failure and sabotage (intentional or not) has pretty much broken those.

[fastlearner.livejournal.com]

I ask because I've found that in the heat of the worst of it all, focusing your attention on what you want turns out to be much more effective and less stressful than on what you don't. Worth considering, perhaps.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Good advice. I'll keep that in mind as I move forward.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

What do you want to do?

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I want my wife to start loving me again. I don't think that's gonna happen, though.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

That's what you want, not what you want to do.

The hardest damn thing is that you don't have control over her, what she does, how she feels. You only have control over yourself and your reactions/responses.

Can you think of one action---no matter how small---that might help?

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I've made certain efforts addressing her complaints in re: housework, etc. However, that's not stopping her from staying out all night, and I fear that my options are to accept life with a cheating spouse, or to get divorced. Or various immoral and/or illegal options, which aren't on the table.

Her show has opened. That, in theory, should bring her home at night, if, in fact she was merely dedicating her time to that. She stayed out all Saturday night at a cast party (or elsewhere). With only minor exceptions, I think I've been fairly restrained in my response to her abandonment--but if something doesn't change soon, I don't think I'll have any recourse but to step into the void where lots of other divorcees (including Amy) have gone, but not me.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

You're doing the best you know how to do, which is all any person can ask of him/herself. Please remember to take care of yourself. I know that when I was feeling abandoned and out of control, trying to find ways to comfort and take care of my physical self was very helpful. When you're stressed all the time, you live in "fight or flight" mode, which as you know is exhausting. So be gentle with yourself.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

With rehearsals for "The Underpants" starting up, it will serve as a distraction from my evening loneliness somewhat.

Actually, that was the reason I took up theatre in the first place, back in 1989.