Won't someone think of the CHILDREN?
Aug. 26th, 2008 09:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fancycwabsThis afternoon I noticed that "Bartlett Grove Park" was in the top ten searches on Google Trends, and since I live in Bartlett, and Bartlett Grove Park is but a few miles from my house, such widespread attention piqued my interest.
As it ends up, a young lady decided to shoot an instructional video about the joys of miniskirts without underwear and tank tops with artificial boobs in the park, and someone from the local news team must be a secret fan of such videos.
Unfortunately, the news report is vague as to the details of said video. Does she perform sex acts with various pieces of playground equipment? Will she require a tetanus shot? Are the neighbors justified in their desire to buy industrial-sized cases of Lysol with which to disinfect the sliding board and swingset? Will the police be able to ascertain her identity through DNA evidence?
The answer is, of course, no. Some diligent research in the name of science has revealed that while the young lady in question should have no problems in a sausage-eating contest, and that the authorities could check salons specializing in various waxing treatments for their client list, the playground equipment was uncontaminated by human flesh. Also, she seems to be a fan of miniature golf, and we have the World's Largest Putt-Putt, which is also frequently deserted.
In any case, I'll keep an eye out for her in the grocery store.
As it ends up, a young lady decided to shoot an instructional video about the joys of miniskirts without underwear and tank tops with artificial boobs in the park, and someone from the local news team must be a secret fan of such videos.
Unfortunately, the news report is vague as to the details of said video. Does she perform sex acts with various pieces of playground equipment? Will she require a tetanus shot? Are the neighbors justified in their desire to buy industrial-sized cases of Lysol with which to disinfect the sliding board and swingset? Will the police be able to ascertain her identity through DNA evidence?
The answer is, of course, no. Some diligent research in the name of science has revealed that while the young lady in question should have no problems in a sausage-eating contest, and that the authorities could check salons specializing in various waxing treatments for their client list, the playground equipment was uncontaminated by human flesh. Also, she seems to be a fan of miniature golf, and we have the World's Largest Putt-Putt, which is also frequently deserted.
In any case, I'll keep an eye out for her in the grocery store.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-27 01:48 pm (UTC)IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT A VAGINA MAY HAVE BEEN EXPOSED IN THIS PLAYGROUND
ALL STRUCTURES WILL BE CLEANSED WITH FIRE SO THAT YOU MAY REST ASSURED YOUR CHILDREN ARE HAPPILY CLAMBERING ABOUT PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT THAT HAS NEVER BEEN CLOSE TO A WOMAN WHO MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE FLASHED A BIT OF COOTER NEAR THEM
THANK YOU FOR YOUR DILIGENCE CITIZENS
PRAISE THE LORD