It's been a long couple of weeks.
Jun. 8th, 2007 10:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fancycwabs(Confidants filter: If you're seeing this, you've got some experience dealing with grown-up situations, and there's a good chance you're married, have been married, or might soon become married, although exceptions exist. In any case, I value your opinions and your discretion.)
Last night at Guys & Dolls rehearsal, the director and the music director got into a fight which ended with the music director walking out on rehearsal. As the director is Mrs. Cwabs, and the music director is my closest IRL friend, it's not particularly fun to watch them get into a pissing contest over something as stupid as a musical cutoff. Afterwards, Mrs. Cwabs went out drinking until 3am. Again. She doesn't quite fathom why her drinking with her single buddies until 2 or 3 once a week (or so) might put a strain on our relationship. "I'm not a five-year-old that needs to have a curfew!" she's fond of saying, "I should be able to spend time with my friends!" Sadly, this is how we communicate.
We've never gotten to the reasons that she'd rather spend time with them than with me, although they're pretty apparent. The people she's spending time with are all single, and their responsibilities run largely paycheck to paycheck. They never bother her with worrying about car repairs, or laundry, or mowing the yard, or shopping for groceries, or paying the bills. If they lose their job waiting tables or answering phones, there's another one next door just like it. Since none of them have kids, there's not college or report cards or discipline to worry with, either. These are all negative things that are part of the life she shares with me, and she can escape all those things when she's with them. Does she want to be rid of those things permanently, and return to the bohemian carefree lifestyle of her friends? Part of her does, I'm sure. Is she going through a midlife crisis? Signs point to yes. Will our relationship survive? I haven't got a fucking clue--in the meantime, I'm trying to be patient.
I'm hardly blameless, either--my escapes tend to be made online, though, so I'm largely available for discussion or conversation if I'm needed in the real world.
Generally speaking, I've been dealt a pretty good hand in life. I have a good job that affords me time and means to pursue whatever outside activities I want, a mostly-stable home life, and a very small modicum of talent with which to be creative in lots of different areas. In reality, this is a minor difficulty, but sooner or later we're going to have to resolve it.
Last night at Guys & Dolls rehearsal, the director and the music director got into a fight which ended with the music director walking out on rehearsal. As the director is Mrs. Cwabs, and the music director is my closest IRL friend, it's not particularly fun to watch them get into a pissing contest over something as stupid as a musical cutoff. Afterwards, Mrs. Cwabs went out drinking until 3am. Again. She doesn't quite fathom why her drinking with her single buddies until 2 or 3 once a week (or so) might put a strain on our relationship. "I'm not a five-year-old that needs to have a curfew!" she's fond of saying, "I should be able to spend time with my friends!" Sadly, this is how we communicate.
We've never gotten to the reasons that she'd rather spend time with them than with me, although they're pretty apparent. The people she's spending time with are all single, and their responsibilities run largely paycheck to paycheck. They never bother her with worrying about car repairs, or laundry, or mowing the yard, or shopping for groceries, or paying the bills. If they lose their job waiting tables or answering phones, there's another one next door just like it. Since none of them have kids, there's not college or report cards or discipline to worry with, either. These are all negative things that are part of the life she shares with me, and she can escape all those things when she's with them. Does she want to be rid of those things permanently, and return to the bohemian carefree lifestyle of her friends? Part of her does, I'm sure. Is she going through a midlife crisis? Signs point to yes. Will our relationship survive? I haven't got a fucking clue--in the meantime, I'm trying to be patient.
I'm hardly blameless, either--my escapes tend to be made online, though, so I'm largely available for discussion or conversation if I'm needed in the real world.
Generally speaking, I've been dealt a pretty good hand in life. I have a good job that affords me time and means to pursue whatever outside activities I want, a mostly-stable home life, and a very small modicum of talent with which to be creative in lots of different areas. In reality, this is a minor difficulty, but sooner or later we're going to have to resolve it.
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-09 12:24 am (UTC)However, I call Stenny (with cell phones I have no excuse not to) and let him know what's up. Even if I don't have an exact coming home time, I try to at least estimate. And yeah, I've been the lame girl who goes home earlier than other people because, unlike other people, I have someone waiting for me at home.
So, I see the need for space, and I've had a couple conversations with Stenny about Please Don't Freak Out if I Don't Call You All the Time. But I think giving your spouse some heads up is required as decency.
Also, using her past abuse as a tool against you is bad bad juju that I have little sympathy for. I was raised in an abusive household and I still have triggers, but that doesn't mean I Get A Free Pass out of Discussing Issues all the time.
I hope things work out for you. I realize this comment is all about me, but I had to apply the situation to myself to figure out what I thought. I agree with others that you're getting the short end of the stick.