[Tiny Filter] Update on the bad situation:

[fancycwabs]

I was off sick for part of the day yesterday, and while I was at home I installed some spyware removal software on our son's (our son comes to visit on the weekends) computer. While doing so, I checked his surfing history, and discovered (amongst the porn--he is a fifteen-year-old) that someone had hit the burning man site and checked ticket prices on the Jan 16. Today I asked her if she'd bought tickets, and she said she had. I am assuming she's bought tickets for herself and her girlfriend (who has gone before), whom I also assume has taken my place in her heart, and possibly between her legs.

I cannot think of a single reason (save my marriage vow, which I take seriously) not to file for divorce. Amy has shown no indication that she's interested in reconciliation, but instead that she just wants to stay at the house so our daughter can remain in her school. As soon as that happens, I'm afraid she's going to leave me, saddled with a ton of debt that she's currently charging up.

Any of you lawyerly types of folks who've gone through this before have any advice on protecting myself?

UPDATE: We've talked a little. She has an explanation for the ticket, at least, and still claims that she's not cheating on me.

Comments

[mybadhairlife.livejournal.com]

Holy cow, Cwabs - so sorry you're going through this. Hope you are okay. I saw your other post and I'm sending you all of the *mojo* I've got.

I am a lawyer, but in a completely different jurisdiction, which means that I can't tell you anything about how property division works in yours.

However, a lot of what has been said already is right in the general scheme of things. To summarize:

1. Get your own bank account at a completely different bank and start putting your pay cheques in there. You need a completely different bank because if you use the same bank, they always have these little caveats on your account that lets them go in there and take money out to cover your wife's debts and your joint overdraft without talking to you first.

2. Put in the funds to cover mortgage and other joint bills into the joint account only when the bills are due. If you can, make sure that the money goes directly to the bill (or the overdraft, if that's where you are.)

3. Shut down all of your joint credit cards, lines of credit etc. Make it clear to the bank that your finances are now separate and she is not allowed to incur debt in your name any more.

4. TELL HER THAT YOU INTEND TO SEPARATE YOUR FINANCES NOW. Find a place where the two of you can talk away from your children. Take a very business-like approach. If it starts to get too heated, walk away. Ideally, in a perfect world, she will co-operate with you in shutting down the credit cards, etc. and separating out your responsibilities.

5. Do not allow yourself to get drawn into anything too confrontational for two reasons (a) you may find the police showing up and claiming that you've been abusive or court documents claiming that you are intimidating/abusing and (b) if you want to retain the house, you want to stay there until a decision is made - getting charged or otherwise removed by court order will not help you.

6. Unless it's unbearable, do not leave the house if that's where you want to stay. Your joint ownership will not be lost if you leave, but various other rights might be.

7. TALK TO A LAWYER IN YOUR JURISDICTION. MAKE A PLAN WITH THE LAWYER. LISTEN TO THE LAWYER WHERE HER OR HIS ADVICE DISAGREES WITH THE ABOVE.

Hope everyone is okay.