(Confidants filter) It's heartbreaking to read

[fancycwabs]

Based on what I'm reading on facebook, it appears that my ex-wife has kicked my daughter out of the house. It seems that the catastrophes in their lives didn't stop when I was taken out of the picture.

I didn't think it would come to this, but I'm only a little worried.
I'm going to get all of my stuff from her house this afternoon.
She thinks that this is a big deal to me.
But it really isn't, because I can't stand being in her presence anyways.
The only thing I'm worried about is all of the talk.
I know that she's going to make me sound like a "devil child" to our friends.
Well, forget that.
I am not a devil child.
The only commandment I have a problem with is the "Honor thy mother" one.
But, believe me, I have tried.
I have tried so hard to the point that I agreed to things
only so she would shut up about them.
But I'll be okay.
I'm leaving in two and a half months anyways.
I'm also a little worried about the distance.
I'll mostly be staying at my dad's in Arkansas,
but it's so far from my church,
and I don't want to miss church activities.
Wow. I didn't believe she would actually do it.
Every major horrible incident in my life has been caused by her.
Being kicked out.
Daddy being out of my life for years.
Moving out of Bolton's district, making my 15 minute drive to school a 40 minute drive.
Being lied to, all of these years.
Not having a college fund because she'd rather spend the money on herself.
I'm going to stop now before I get angrier.
But, even through all of this, I've just dropped it.
I just let it go.
Because there's no reason to let her problems keep me from being happy.
I'm really not trying to lash out, but I'm angry.
She kicked me out yesterday without letting me get anything.
Not even my phone charger or a change of clothes.
And you know why she did it?
Because I didn't want to talk to her about her problems.
She said that it was "our problems,"
but I've already told her everything I needed to say.
She just never listened.
I told her what problems I had with her,
every time they would come up.
But she just skimmed them without actually reading what I had to say.
And then she yelled at me and called me horrible things.
I know what my problems are, and I don't need her confronting me about them.
She has no right, no room, to tell me that I have problems.
Everyone knows that she does things that aren't right.
She is almost 39, but she acts like a teenager.
She tries to manipulate people into getting what she wants.
She says that we have money problems,
yet she can go out and have drinks that cost up to $14 each.
She can go out to dinner all of the time,
yet there is hardly any edible food at her house.
One day, all we had was oranges and tortillas.
So I ate an orange for breakfast, an orange and a tortilla for lunch, and two tortillas for dinner.
Sounds tasty, doesn't it?
There is honestly something wrong with her mind if she thinks that is "enough food in the house."
But I am the only one who has the guts to try to tell her.
I tried to be nice about it.
But that was a year ago.
I should have just stopped, since my words obviously had no effect on her.
And that is why I'm not going to try anymore.
I don't care if you think what I'm saying is wrong.
You have not lived my life.
You have not had to deal with her every single day of your life.
Most of you have only seen the fake personality that she puts out when around her friends.
But, if you pay attention, you can see that hint of over-doing it every time she talks.
If you listen, you can hear the lies in the sound of her voice.
Whatever.
I'm just making myself mad.
But I needed to say all of this.
So you could hear my side of the story,
before she tries to tell you what a horrible person I am.

Comments

[piemancer]

O, Fancy.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Beyond the fact that I feel for the young lady I tried to raise as my daughter for close to eight years, it doesn't really effect me much. I did the hard thing when I made Jamie leave last October for my own protection.

But if you have mojo and/or prayers to spare, I can't imagine how hard it is to have a mother who so blatantly only loves herself.

[piemancer]

As I started reading, I started hoping and hoping it wasn't your journal. But halfway down, I saw it was, and I knew who was writing this and why. Well, you know, in a my-friend's ex's daughter sort of way.
She'd probably be squicked out knowing that I was sending mojo, so I'll keep it a secret.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I'm a grown up, and while what I suffered was humiliating and terrible, it's not terribly unusual (unfortunately). I've been dumped before, and lots of other folks have, too.

Being a teenager and going through that experience, from the one person who's supposed to be biologically keyed to provide for and protect you, pretty much guarantees that Jamie will need psychiatric assistance somewhere down the road.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

She probably needs it now. But you know what? Those are all healthy words. She knows it's not her fault. She knows she tried her best. She knows that what she has been putting up with is unreasonable and outside her control.

I first thought, "poor girl" when I was reading. But after about halfway through, I thought, "brave girl."

[loree-borealis.livejournal.com]

Agreed, absolutely.

[mybadhairlife.livejournal.com]

Wow. What an ugly situation.

It's great that she has a father to go to. It's fantastic that she has perspective on this.


But yeah, she's gonna need something. That's for sure.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, her dad isn't a whole lot better (c.f. arrest and treatment for running a meth lab in his home), and will undoubtedly use this for gamesmanship. My only consolation is that she'll be in college soon, away from Memphis.

I guess I should consider myself lucky to have the advantage of distance and independence now.

For the record, my comment to the facebook post:

I'm sorry Jamie.
I wish things had turned out differently.
Call me if you need to talk.

I'm sure she's mad at me for kicking her out seven months ago, though.

[mybadhairlife.livejournal.com]

If I recall the situation correctly, you didn't have much choice about kicking her out.

By the same token, if she needed a place to stay, and showed up on your doorstep, you would then be in a position to lay down the house rules and enforce them.

Tough love, and all that.

[skatiemom.livejournal.com]

That sucks so much for her. Thank goodness she's going to college in the fall and can avoid both bio-parents. It sucks that you had to kick her out last fall, but it was the only way at the time. I hope she finds herself a therapist at school.

I wish I could say how shocked and horrified I am by this turn of events. I *am* horrified, but your ex's previous behavior makes this practically the next step on her road to ME!ville.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I should note that the last time I talked with her biodad, he seemed to have his act together okay.

I should note that he was taking no small amount of glee at my situation at the time.

[skatiemom.livejournal.com]

I hope he still has his act together and keeps it that way. His kids deserve at least one parent actually functioning as a parent.

*points and laughs at free account holder's inability to edit* :P

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Note to self: Dropping the paid account means I can't go back and edit my comment so that every sentence doesn't begin with the phrase "I should note."