[tiny filter] Sadness.

[fancycwabs]

Christmas is Thursday. Unfortunately, with my divorce case in limbo with no hearing rescheduled, less daylight, lack of companionship, and awful memories from Christmas a year ago and the year since (since years-end is a traditional time of taking stock--I've lost a lot in 2008), I feel as if I'm fighting a losing battle with depression. I'm hoping that I'll get some sort of good news somewhere over the next few days, otherwise I'm going to be perfectly miserable company over the holidays, and my family has historically had low levels of patience and sympathy for the suffering. My head knows that the situation will eventually improve--spring will come, I'll feel like moving again, other relationships will ensue, I won't have to worry about the mountain of debt, I'll fix and sell the house--but right now I'm feeling pretty fucking alone, and basically valueless. Sadly, from knowing how much I want to be around depressed, self-absorbed friends, I've got a pretty good idea how much fun I am to be around at the moment, too. And the cycle repeats.

Comments

[loree-borealis.livejournal.com]

When shit legitimately sucks, that's a good time to cut yourself some slack and let yourself wallow. Put on some Morrissey or equivalent, get a blankie and a pile of sad movies to watch, and just go to town.

But if you feel yourself sliding past the no-turning-back point, please call me or some other friend for a chat. People love you, Cwabs. *hugs*

P.S. Thank you for the card! :)

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

If it ever gets too close to the brink, I'll be sure and get actual professional help. As it is, having friends who are patient and don't get exhausted by occasionally propping me up over the interwebs is helping out immensely. Thanks!

[loree-borealis.livejournal.com]

*props*

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

YOU NEED SOME EXERCISE.

For real: I hate exercise, but it will both clear your head AND wear you out so that you can get some restful sleep.

You're entitled to feel bad about all the shit that has gone down for you this year, but if you want to feel better, exercise will help.

I have also found St. John's Wort (an herb, available at the drug store) and Bach's Rescue Remedy (a hoodoo flower remedy, available at the health food store) to be really helpful at taking the edge off.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I DO need some exercise.

[crankyliberal.livejournal.com]

I'm not feeling very eloquent right now, so I'm just going to echo what everyone else has said. You're loved even if those people aren't around, and the shortest day is over! If I were you I would rent a ton of movies and not leave the house for days, as long as you eventually seek light again. Although I'm sure Owlet is right about the exercise.

[mybadhairlife.livejournal.com]

In the circumstances, it's pretty much expected that you'll feel pretty crappy right now so I second what Loree said about taking some time to acknowledge it.

I third (or fourth) the suggestions about getting moving a bit. If the weather isn't horrendous, do take a walk around some place that makes you feel good. For me, it's the lakeshore here in town or the neighbourhood with the big old trees and nice houses.

If you know that you're not fun to be around because you're too depressed, then you are NOT self-absorbed. Pat yourself on the back! You're self-aware and evolved!! You also have good perspective on the fact that this will get better over time, so pat yourself on the back again!

You may find that if you force yourself to be around your family and friends and behave in a civil manner during the holiday, you will get a jolt of happiness out of the deal. My friends and family often remind me that I'm not really as horrible as I tend to think I am in my dark moments.

Many of us have been in that black hole (I sure have). I learned last year that I can't climb out of it by myself. It was such a relief to have some help. Don't be afraid to give that a try!

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Moving helped. Doing something worthwhile for somebody else also helped. Having comments of support helped a bunch. Thanks.

[piemancer]

I wass gonna post and say stuff like, 'what they said!' But then i get here and i see that our dear Crankyliberal has even said that.

Also, i got a card from you! Thank you, Fancy! I'm going to take it to work to listen to the CD tomorrow! ^_^

Dear Fancy. *fluffs your aura*

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Just having a support network of the mildly batty is a great help.

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

*hug*

And seriously, get moving. It's important. I realised the other day just how really, really weird I felt, and that it came from having been sat around and driven around since we got to VA, and I just had to go out and walk somewhere.

As soon as you've sorted the debt out, you must come see us in Prague and we'll take your mind off it.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

It was too fookin' coold to get out and walk outdoors yesterday, but I DID go to the gym for an hour and am feeling significantly less weepy today.

Hopefully the mountain of debt will be considerably more manageable once bonus time comes in March, although I've no idea about the horrors tax time will bring.

I should sell the house and join the expat community, 'cause Pat's an asshole.

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

The expat community is by no means asshole-deficient, I hafta warn you.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I never doubted that for a second. I could open up Prague's greatest barbecue restaurant to FEED all those assholes.